Woody Allen and Triangles

In a few weeks, Woody Allen: A Travesty of a Mockery of a Sham by Patrick McGilligan is coming out, and I preordered it without a second thought. Or, as the kids say, “Take my money.” I’ve been a fan of Woody’s films—especially those with motifs about relationships and marriage, like Hannah and Her Sisters and Husbands and Wives—for as long as I can remember. But let me tell you, it’s not easy to admit that these days. The cultural controversy surrounding him is so heated that I avoid using material from his movies in my talks or books, even when they’re relevant. I have enough stress getting my kids to bed on time.

But with this new book on the way, I’ve been thinking a lot about how I understand the infamous Allen-Farrow case. And since I’ve spent a fair bit of my life steeped in Bowen Family Systems Theory, I can’t help but look at it through that lens—specifically the concept of emotional triangles. A triangle, in the simplest terms, is what happens when tension between two people spills over to include a third. Instead of working through their issues directly, they redirect their anxiety. Mom and Dad argue, and Dad starts focusing on their kid’s grades. Suddenly, the spotlight is on their kid, and Mom and Dad’s conflict is no longer front and center. The original tension isn’t resolved, but now there’s a new focus to distract everyone.

In the Allen-Farrow case, you can see how this played out. After their relationship fell apart, compounded by Allen’s involvement with Farrow’s adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn, the tension between them shifted onto their daughter Dylan. She became the emotional lightning rod for their unresolved issues. Then society jumped into the triangle, taking sides and boiling a complex family dynamic into a simple, villain-versus-victim narrative. And if I’m honest, I’ve felt myself getting pulled into the same thing.

As a former front-line child abuse investigator, I’ve thought about this case a lot. And I’ll admit, it’s hard not to get swept up in the high emotions. If you’re curious, here’s where I land: I see this as a case driven more by relationship acrimony than anything related to child abuse. Family Systems theory, however, helps me understand how triangles can distort reality and keep people from addressing what’s really going on. Or, as my colleagues like to say: “If you can’t figure out what the hell is going on with someone—whether it’s a couple, siblings, or anyone else—look for the triangle!”

I’m not writing this to defend or condemn anyone. For me, it’s about trying to untangle the emotional dynamics, both within the family and in how society responded. And maybe, just maybe, it’s about finding a way to reconcile my admiration for Woody Allen’s work with the messy, complicated truth of his life.

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